We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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