apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
