I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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