We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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