he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
