my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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