I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
