He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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