I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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