Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Vodka?
Forever.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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