i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
