Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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