I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?