apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY