Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?