glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.