She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip