bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
What a dumb baby whore.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
