Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
