there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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