i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
