dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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