i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
