I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
