How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
