just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Randomize
