i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
