I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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