Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
