I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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