so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
