how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
