we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Green mimosas i think yes
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
