she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
