I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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