yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
