K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
