Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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