Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
