Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
