There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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