Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
