You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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