just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
