Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
