As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
