I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
