just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
