We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
