I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
