You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
