just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
