I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
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You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
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I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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