I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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