omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
