I feel like abortions should bother me more
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
