i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
