btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I want you more than these girls want KFC
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
