Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Randomize
