fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
