I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
