i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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