Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize