batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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