Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
