I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
