oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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