Nicole vs. Life
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
