is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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