would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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