My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
