fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
soo... how was my night?
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