come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
