I wish my penis had an off switch
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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