I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Randomize
