my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
