i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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