I wannas sexs uuuuu
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
