No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
