im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize