Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
