You just made me feel so damn special
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
