I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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